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Old 01-23-2013, 03:36 PM
JaneQSmythe JaneQSmythe is offline
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Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: Pennsyl-tucky
Posts: 1,836

Originally Posted by learninginTN View Post
I'm meeting her guy tomorrow night, and I have some questions for you veterans. Should I mention her affair back in 2010? She hasn't told him about that. Also, should I bring up her bi-polar and depression issues? Again, he doesn't know about that.
Hmmm. Part of developing a relationship with someone (I'm talking about his and hers here) is sharing stories and intimate details of our lives. This happens over time, as subjects arise. These are parts of "her story" that they haven't gotten around to discussing yet. I would ASK her if it ok for you two to talk about them if the subject arises. The affair and your reactions to it are certainly relevant - but he is dating HER and not YOU so it might be better if this information came from her initially and THEN you and he could discuss how it shapes your current feelings about their relationship.

At one point, when a topic came up between Dude and I where one of MrS's stories would have been relevant - I felt uncomfortable because I didn't know if this was something that they (as friends) had shared yet. At this point, I had a conversation with each of them separately asking, essentially, what degree of "privacy" they each were expecting - and what my own comfort levels were.

Originally Posted by learninginTN View Post
During the night, one of my girls came into our bedroom because of a bad dream, and noticed Mommy wasn't in bed. I lied and told her Mommy was in the bathroom. I don't like having to lie, but I'm not ready to tell our 5 year-old girls about this new relationship. I feel they need stability and routine in their lives, and I don't want them thinking Mommy and Daddy might break up. Maybe in a few years, if this relationship is still going on, I might tell them about it.

What do you guys think?
I think there is a middle ground between lying (a bad idea) and telling children specific details about relationships. What's wrong with saying that Mommy is sleeping over at her friend's house? 5-year olds can understand "slumber parties" and not have it mean that a family is going to disintegrate - that is something that friends do.

Me: poly bi female, in an "open-but-not-looking" V-plus with -
MrS: hetero polyflexible male, live-in husband (24+ yrs)
Dude: hetero poly male, live-in boyfriend (6+ yrs) and MrS's BFF
SLeW: platonic hetero girlfriend and BFF
MrClean: hetero mono male, almost lover-friend to me, FWBs to SLeW
+ "others" = FBs, FWBs, lover-friends, platonic G/BFs, boytoys, etc.

My poly blogs here:
The Journey of JaneQSmythe
The Notebook of JaneQSmythe
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