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Old 01-23-2013, 01:49 PM
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Marcus Marcus is offline
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Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: Portland, OR
Posts: 1,587

Originally Posted by PhilosophicallyLost View Post
As partners, you both are supposed to come to major changes in your life together.
Which is one of the fundamental issues I have with marriage specifically, and monogamy more broadly. The concept that two humans are sharing a life together is interesting in poetry, but if we step back and think about it even for a moment that idea is obviously bunk. Humans grow and change intellectually and emotionally according to their own genetic makeup and the prominent stimulus of their environment. Who they are in a relationship with only alters that in that they probably are prominent stimulus in the others environment. Just because they are in a relationship, however, does not change the way human beings develop. There is no genetic relationship switch which somehow now joins the path of two (or more) people simply because they say they'd like it that way.

With the exception of Siamese twins who are literally sharing organs, we develop entirely as individuals. So, if there are major changes in a persons outlook, intellect, or emotional development, their partner is only going to share that change with them if they miraculously came to the same decision at the same time. It happens, but if these boards have a story to tell, it happens less frequently then people would like to think.

Since it has come up a couple of times I think everyone should consider dumping the use of the word coerce in this discussion.

Coercion (pron.: /koʊˈɜrʃən/) is the practice of forcing another party to act in an involuntary manner (whether through action or inaction) by use of threats or intimidation or some other form of pressure or force

If someone saying, "My autonomy is important to me. I need you to be ok with not having control over me when it comes to what I do with my time and body" is coercion, then that broadens the definition to the degree that it is a useless word.
Me: male, 43, straight, non-hierarchical, independent
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