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Old 01-23-2013, 09:31 AM
InsaneMystic InsaneMystic is offline
Senior Member
Join Date: Nov 2012
Posts: 233

@Schrödinger & redpepper...
It sure is possible for sexual orientations to change, but it really isn't common. Yes, you can "become asexual"... but you can also be gay for 30 years and then suddenly "become straight". The fact that a lot of (normative/right winger) folks will more than happily jump at the chance to consider this a cue for all the "see, we can heal you and turn you normal! you just haven't found the right one yet!" talkage is the reason why I don't think it's a too productive idea, in terms of acceptance and visibility of non-heteronormative identities, to be too quick to mention fluidity of orientation. Yes, it exists, but in most cases, it's a too marginal phenomenon to be brought up without creating much more trouble than it's worth.

I'm in a similar situation; asexual with a sexual partner, R.. We don't have, and never had, sex with each other, but see e/o as "emotional primaries"; she's my only partner, currently - I'm open but not looking, and doubt I'm compatible with all that many folks anyway... basically, I feel a need for non-exclusitivity to be agreed on as the basis of any 'ship I'd see worth entering, but no need to act upon it by having (an)other partner(s) in my life right now.

We do not have a full-on DADT policy about other folks she sees (which is not limited to "just sex", R.'s had a 'ship with a woman for over one year of our four-plus years together), but I, too, will not question her on what she does with others, and certainly don't ever want to hear explicit bedroom details.

What we do have, though, is the knowledge that both of us are always open for the other to talk to if and when stressful situations with another partner come up. I trust her to be able to sort out the everyday goings on - being a grown-up woman and all - but I'm always there for her if she needs to talk about stuff, provided she leaves out the "explicit details". I wonder how you and your hubby would handle such a sitch, if you're stuck in a sore spot that way (which I'd daresay happens in any but the utmost casual hookups sooner or later)? Could you talk to him about it, or would he insist on the "don't tell" part? IMO, I'd think the latter would be worrying in terms of a basis of healthy, loving communication between the two of you.
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