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Old 01-23-2013, 08:32 AM
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Helo Helo is offline
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Join Date: Mar 2011
Location: California
Posts: 278

Originally Posted by nondy2 View Post
Here is the problem. Last night we found out that our son had been watching porn secretly online for a month. One could say I was a bad parent because I trusted him and he knows stuff that is off limits. It was abad mistake on my part, and I've solved that.
Problem? As long as he isnt watching it ten hours a day or going for the real rape stuff, I'm not seeing the problem. I know it's probably a little disconcerting but he WILL get access to the stuff one way or another. Better to let him access it at your house where you have a little more control over the situation rather than a friend's house or public computer where there is far less control.

For myself personally, I started looking at porn fairly young and it actually taught me a lot about the human body in general. Up to that point, I had thought everyone was shaped like I was; flat, no lines, no shape, no color, and I hadn't really developed the eye to see around clothing. Seeing porn actually de-mystified both my own body and the female body. As far as learning how real sex works, its half-and-half for a good/crap ratio but for actual understanding of the human body its good.

What I need help with is how to healthily deal with my sons sexuality when I am so conflicted about my own (my husband feels the same way). When he was small I told him sex is for two committed people who love each other. I knew used the word married because we are super pro-gay and know lots of committed unmarried straights. But now things are more complex. My husband and I have both done stuff that (for myself) I consider slutty (for ME NOT others) and have done a few things less than ethical. For example, my husband was supposed to go to a play-party last night and canceled.

We are both conflicted about what we do sexually. And I'm not sure how to deAL with my son.
Sitting him down and explaining everything is likely to go over his head. Kids are sharp but you're throwing around concepts that people dont even get in their 30's and 40's. Best thing to do if you REALLY feel like something has to be explained, give him the bullet points and stress that you (or anyone you trust to do so) will answer any questions he has honestly and without pulling any punches. He'll ask the questions when he's ready.

Just dont bullshit him or give him the "I'll tell you when you're older" line

Any way, is anyone on here raising a teween/teen boy? He's a scorpio too ! Bla!
I was one, if that helps.

Originally Posted by GalaGirl
But could raise him to respect a Good Sex Share -- it is a SHARE. Not a think to be TAKEN by force. If you hammer nothing else into his head, hammer that in, how to ask nicely for consent, and safer sex practices so his mental health, emotional health, physical health, and spiritual health as an adult are in decent shape.
I second this as hard as anything as has ever been seconded.

Make it clear that under no circumstances does someone OWE him sex and coercing or manipulating someone as well as trying to override their comfort levels by "nicing" them into having sex with you is just as bad, if not worse, than actively forcing yourself on someone.
I am as direct as a T-Rex with 'roid rage and about as subtle. It isn't intended to cause upset, I just prefer to talk plain. There are plenty of other people here who do the nice, polite thing much better than I can. I'm what you'd call a "problem dinner guest."

Last edited by Helo; 01-23-2013 at 08:36 AM.
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