View Single Post
Old 01-23-2013, 06:30 AM
GalaGirl GalaGirl is offline
Senior Member
Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 4,231

My kid gets OWL.

Our Whole Lives. It can be bought at the UUA bookstore and you can catch you kid up to his age level. It's done in "layers" over the years to teach the child things a bit more each time around.

UU Poly is field testing the Poly curriculum of "Love Makes a Family" so I don't know when that track is available.

If he's hitting the naturally curious age, ask him what he wants to see/read about. But tell him hitting random porn things online is not wise because some of that stuff is produced well and some of that teaches very poor values -- treating people like THINGS rather than PEOPLE. Some of those things are also scammy and could give the computer a virus or steal credit card info or personal info -- your rule is in place for much more than just sex safety. It's all kinds of safety.

To address the curious -- ask him. What would he like to treat his future partners like? How would he like to be treated like when he is ready for romance and a grown up sex life? Does he think fatherhood is in his future life picture? What makes a good father? If he does NOT want to be a father, how does he control that? What can he do? What kinds of resources does he want access to now that you could help him to find? Does he have questions about his own development? You don't have to answer all his questions. It may be enough to start a list with him of "things I want to know about eventually" so you both can keep track. You are encouraging him to TALK to you above all else.

I have a girl so "The Care and keeping of You" was good. I'm sure there's good boy ones out there on boy development -- I'm just not up on the boy side myself. For BOTH boys and girls, maybe you can snag a copy of "What's The Big Secret?" or "It's so Amazing!"

Then if he wants to see nakedness -- see about sourcing less offensive naked to be looking at WITH YOU. Take him to a museum, go see naked art. The human body is hardly offensive in its natural state. There's tame comic books like Small Favors by Collen Coover -- that show some naked women but keep it in the land of sweet for the most part. Could google that and see some of the images for preview. It doesn't address safer sex practices but it does address a spirit of playful sex, liking each other, etc.

My kid visited Femalia at toddler age because she wanted to know about that "beard" I had.

It was a bathroom question in some restroom and she was little so I had her in the stall with me while I took a pee. She was running around in the stall and suddenly was asking me why I had "a beard down there." My response of "This is not a beard. That's pubic hair, and when you are grown up lady you will have that too" was overheard by some lady near the sinks who told me it was so cute when we came out of the stall to wash our hands.

The Femalia book is just close up shots of female genitalia -- all colors, ages, shapes. My kid walked away feeling fine -- like "Yep. People come in all shapes and colors. Alright. I'll have one of those when I grow up" and there. The curiosity was satisfied but more important -- I wanted her to KEEP COMING TO ME for honest, straight up answers. A few years later she wanted to look at a penis because DH was having a vasectomy. So we told her ok, gives us a bit of time to find her a penis picture then. DH and I had to google something age appropriate. It ended up being one of those "as you grow" things with a baby boy, a toddler boy, a teen boy-man, and a man, and then an old man. She was satisfied.

"The Body" or "Love and Desire" by William Ewing might be photos you could consider as conversation starters with the 10 yr old.

If you want a honkin' encylopedia thing, Sexualia Mundi is awesome. It cannot cover everything ever, but it sure tries to give it a whirl!

If you want trivia bits to look ahead to teen years maybe "Sexy Origins of Intimate things" could the be the conversation starter.

Could have him look things up at the Planned Parenthood websites and talk about their FAQs. Then you are teaching him how to get himself health care too, not just safer sex bits. Every 10 year old is so different. Some are emotionally mature and ready to talk about it, some of them are not. You assess your son wherever he happens to be at right now.

But could raise him to respect a Good Sex Share -- it is a SHARE. Not a think to be TAKEN by force. If you hammer nothing else into his head, hammer that in, how to ask nicely for consent, and safer sex practices so his mental health, emotional health, physical health, and spiritual health as an adult are in decent shape. One can always masturbate to take the edge off -- if he needs information about that -- get it for him.

But start looking around now to prepare YOU before he gets to wherever he goes to next in his development. You may not have had this yourself from your parents, but you can be how you want to be as a parent to your own kid. Focus on what you want to achieve with him and go for it.

What your DH does about his GF is a whole other problem. I think that's better in a separate thread maybe?


Last edited by GalaGirl; 01-23-2013 at 05:21 PM.
Reply With Quote