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Old 01-23-2013, 05:56 AM
GalaGirl GalaGirl is offline
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GalaGirl: I have made it clear how I feel, I'm not entirely sure they understand. But yes, I do feel left out. And it needs to change, I have made THAT much clear and then Glenn gives me the same old lecture of "we warned you it was going to be off for awhile and it's going to be hard soemtimes and i'm going to need more Sam and I times and we will have you watch Jocelynn" and as much as I am "ok" with watching the kid, I really don't like that I am not getting anytime with this relationship. >.> And GG I get exactly what you mean by saying one thing but doing another. But I don't want to lose them. But I don't want to seem vulnerable or even their "toy." What I want the most of this polyship is fair time with each other as well as time as a polyship. I want my needs to be met as well as I want to meet theirs. But I refuse to bend over backwards to make them happy 24/7. I need to be happy too.
That's fine they need time alone to work on their stuff. That bold part would grate on me if they are just ASSUMING you are willing to be the babysitter all the time for their convinience. That's kinda fresh.

Maybe you are willing to do that sometimes if asked nicely. Do they even bother to ask nicely? Or just announce it and assume your time is theirs to dictate? Maybe sometimes you need time ALONE to do your own things and just are not up for babysitting. Maybe you want the time to seek a job, school, hobbies -- whatever it is you need to do for YOU. Has that part been addressed? Your need for your own alone time?

You are not going to "lose them" if they are willing to work with you and be in relationship with you. If they are NOT willing to work with you -- better you know it NOW than keep being strung along and keep on feeling like a live-in sex toy/babysitter machine thing rather than like a person in your own right.

Could start saying "No" sometimes on the babysitting. Just not be available. Choose yourself a bit more so you are doing your end of the work to bring this to a better balance.

Don't say you are willing to do things you are not really willing to do -- that feeds your resentment. You have to consider YOURSELF too. Not just ask THEM to consider you. But YOU consider you and meeting some of your own needs.

You may like the child and them, but your time is yours to spend, not theirs to dictate. If they are being fresh and taking you and your time for granted, you could call them into account for that and ask to be treated with more consideration than they are giving on that part of things, since you are willing to give their marriage time needs consideration too. Turn about is fair play here.

Maybe living in your own flat would give you the space required to bring this to healthier balance? So you can still be in relationship with them but not be taken for granted (you or your time) because you are just THERE all the time? Not break up but stop with the bit that is not working -- cohabitating?

GG

Last edited by GalaGirl; 01-23-2013 at 05:15 PM.
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