The following is my *personal* opinion only.
This is a good question and one that definitely comes up in our V as we try to raise our child together. Now, she is only four - but she has already started to discover what the idea of masturbation is about. Sure, it made us pause when we saw her playing around without a care in the world. But that's the thing about innocence and childhood. We are never more liberated than when we are children. There is nothing wrong with masturbation. There is nothing wrong with doing something that feels good, at any age. As long as it is in an appropriate setting and isn't harming anyone else.
Ten is not that young at all. It is the age that we might worry too much about preserving childhood - instead of preparing them for adolescence; even adulthood.
One thing that struck me is that you said you were worried about how to deal with this effectively, when you have conflict yourself. The answer is simple really. Don't create that conflict in your son.
Both my sister and my ex girlfriend's daughter lost their virginity at 13. Yes, that thought makes me very uncomfortable. But the reality is that it happens. My ex found out by reading her daughter's diary. A year had passed since she lost her virginity, around the back of a supermarket, whilst drunk, without protection. This came as a huge shock, since my ex had always been frank about safe sex and biology.
What she hadn't done is a) fostered a safe environment to talk, and b) outlined the emotion (and lack of) surrounding sex. Her daughter couldn't possibly admit that she had lost her virginity in that way. She was ashamed. If my daughter was in trouble, or upset, I wouldn't want her to feel shame. I'd want her to feel supported.
If it were me, I'd have a talk with my ten year old son about sex straight away. I'd tell him that masturbation is totally ok; both boys and girls do it. Sex between two or more people of whatever gender is ok. Sex is nothing to feel guilty about. Sex doesn't have to be with someone you are closely connected to. Then I'd talk about the consequences - law, health, safety. It could be a face to face talk, a small document that you write for him, videos from the internet, etc. whatever you feel he would learn the most from.
Is there anything that stops you from doing that?
As for your husband and his girlfriend's sexuality - why does it bother you?
Me: (30f) open poly
Serious long-distance relationship with GF (40f)
Casual FWB with Descartes (27f)
“Peace comes from within. Do not seek it without." ~ Buddha
Last edited by sparklepop; 01-23-2013 at 03:52 AM.