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Old 01-23-2013, 03:44 AM
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StudentofLife StudentofLife is offline
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Join Date: Jan 2013
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I posted my first question today and got some really great answers and two new links to sites I had never heard of. It's clear now that by trying to fit questions based on a standard mindset to a non-monogamous situation, I'm not going to find the answers. I'd never really thought before about how for people in small sub-sections of the population, no sweeping answers are available for their group as a whole. I guess in my mind it seemed like if you just knew where to look, someone somewhere had gotten a grant and done surveys and research. The internet seems these days like you can find anything--the numbers of one-eyed Saggitarian platypus living in one square mile of swamp eating only green and yellow slugs? Look *here*...
The Pidge and I have talked recently about how terrified I am to make mistakes, because in my family mistakes are not acceptable. The constant judgement of even the simplest choices eats away at my brain until I am almost paralyzed, for fear of doing the thing wrong. To me, a lot of the people I have been reading about seem fearless, leaping into shark-infested waters and risking their lives without any sign of terror that it will lead to huge regret. I can remember being able to do that, many decades ago, but it seems beyond my capabilities now. And yet, just like it was with meeting Pidge, eventually it came to the point that I just had to do it to know if I could do it. When did I become such an utter chickenshit? This must be one of those things where they say people only move when the pain of moving becomes less than the pain of standing still. I really miss the good old days, when trying something new was based in enthusiasm, and not just fear. Middle age is not fun. Not right now, anyway.
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