Your situation is actually very common. People think they can add another person into their marriage and it'll all be smooth and equal, but you can't magically make up for the time they've been married and the bond that they created that you haven't had a chance to build with them yet. It just takes time, which is why the idea of adding in a third person to an existing relationship and getting a polyfidelitous triad that doesn't leave the new person feeling like the "junior" member... just doesn't seem to work so well. The girl my gf and her husband dated before me was in a similar situation. Thank god they learned from it, and when my gf and I started dating they knew better than to claim they could offer an equal partnership.
This may be of interest/use to you: http://tacit.livejournal.com/295369.html?nojs=1
The major players. Me, 30ish bi female. Gia, girlfriend of 4+ years. Clay, boyfriend/dom. Davis, ex/friend/"it's complicated." Eddie, roommate & fwb.
The supporting cast. Eric, Gia's husband. Bee, Gia and Eric's toddler. Dexter, Gia's lover. Helen, Eric's lover. Izzy and Nikki, Clay's partners. Liam, Eddie's husband.
Last edited by AnnabelMore; 01-23-2013 at 02:32 AM.