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Old 01-23-2013, 02:16 AM
JaneQSmythe JaneQSmythe is offline
Senior Member
Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: Pennsyl-tucky
Posts: 1,868

I agree with the others...

The practice of "poly" is so varied that finding a "typical" anything is difficult.

People tend to search for resources (and post on forums) when things are rough - thus the over-representation of troubled relationships.

Poly research is "difficult" from a researchers standpoint - both in terms of framing the study and getting funding. (see recent postings from a someone conducting "couples research" here in the last few days)

Originally Posted by StudentofLife View Post
I am curious if the poly lifestyle in general tends to be a phase, and if a person contemplating going into it should expect it will have a natural life span, then end. I undertand individual relationships in any context always have the risk of ending, but I am asking about the general lifestyle.
I can only answer this from my personal perspective. For me, "poly-type" (or at least "ethically non-monogamous") relationships were the only type that EVER made sense to me. So, it's not like I was in a relationship and then "discovered" poly - I was there already, and any relationships that I would form would be informed by that. I don't know whether that means that I am somehow "innately" poly or that I was exposed to the concept early enough to "decide" (before ever being in a relationship) that that was the only type of relationship that I was attracted to.

It's kind of like (but not identical to) the oft-stated opinion that "bisexuality" is just a "phase" as someone transitions from gay-to-straight or vice versa. Or that someone "can't be bi" unless they are involved with (or had relationships with) both genders.

In my opinion, for me: I am poly regardless of the number of my current/past/future relationships, I am bi regardless of the gender of my current/past/future partners.

Originally Posted by StudentofLife View Post
Perhaps if I rephrase my there any specific place on this site I should look to find something like a Poly Mapquest for relationships?
Neither of these are what you are looking for but they are the two images that come to my mind when you asked for a Poly MapQuest, so I thought I would share:

Map of Non-Monogamy
Tracking the Unicorn

Relationships are tricky - even defining what constitutes a "relationship" is tricky for me. Some people would argue that MOST relationships "fail" (friend relationships that "fail" to get off the ground and peter out, dating relationships that "fail" to lead to romantic relationships, romantic relationships that "fail" to lead to long-term-committed relationships, etc) , that most relationships have a "natural lifespan" (death of one partner being one natural endpoint). Personally, I have never had a "romantic relationship" that ended...but I think I am in the minority. (I did have a "friend relationship" end once - so I can't say that I NEVER had a relationship fail...)

JaneQ(Me): poly bi female, in an "open-but-not-looking" V-plus with -
MrS: hetero polyflexible male, live-in husband (25+ yrs)
Dude: hetero poly male, live-in boyfriend (7+ yrs) and MrS's BFF
SLeW: platonic hetero girlfriend and BFF
MrClean: hetero mono male, almost lover-friend to me, FWBs to SLeW, friends with MrS
+ "others" = FBs, FWBs, lover-friends, platonic G/BFs, boytoys, etc.

My poly blogs here:
The Journey of JaneQSmythe
The Notebook of JaneQSmythe
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