While I do get to enjoy occasional physical intimacy with my gf's husband, for a long time I had deeper feelings that I felt I couldn't reveal. It was pretty silly, I felt like it had to be a big damn secret because I knew he didn't want that sort of relationship, so it felt like it would put us on too unequal of footing, like I'd be too vulnerable and embarrassed if he knew how I felt. Then I finally told him, via online chat, and it was no big deal. As part of telling him, I explained that it was just to get it off my chest, that I didn't expect anything new in return from him, and that I was happy with our friendship. He was cool about it, and I've felt much better and calmer ever since.
It may take your husband a while, but if he can eventually have the same type of conversation, I bet it will make things much easier for him. Much better to do it like that than to get drunk one day and spill the beans more dramatically! The closet is dangerous like that, secrets want to come out. And it just drives you crazy, the feeling of having something inside that you have to hide, it breeds obsession... I really feel for your husband. Would he ever be open to coming out completely, do you think? It really is the healthier thing.
Also, if he were out he could safely seek a bf of his own, which would almost certainly take a lot of the sting out of this unrequited crush. Heck, even if he's not ready to come out, a simple one night stand would at least give him the chance to explore these desires in a way that will be healthier for all of you than him just acting them out with your bf in his head and driving himself crazy.
Me, 30ish bi female, been doing solo poly for roughly 5 years. Gia, Clay, and Pike, my partners. Davis, ex/friend/"it's complicated." Eric, Gia's husband. Bee, Gia and Eric's toddler.
Last edited by AnnabelMore; 01-22-2013 at 08:10 PM.