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Old 01-22-2013, 06:40 PM
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Valentine Valentine is offline
Join Date: Dec 2011
Posts: 8

An explanation:

Ack, there's a rather important thing I left out. We've actually been "broken up" since early November.

Here is what happened:
His wife is diagnosed with an anxiety disorder, and one night she was upset and broke her laptop in half with her bare hands. Then she tore her dress in half. Then he went to the store, and she walked barefoot a mile to meet him in the parking lot. He was really disturbed and angered by this, because he had asked her if she would be ok and stay put while he went to the store. So, they got in the car and went for a drive and a talk. As they were driving around, she tried to throw herself out of the vehicle. Then he took her to the hospital to see if she'd go in for emergency mental health services. She refused, and he took her home. He dropped her off and started to leave, and when she asked him where he was going, he said, "You don't get to know that," and went to his best friend's place... incidentally in the same apartment complex I live in. Then he came to my place and told me about it. He intended to spend the night in the youth group room at church, but he ended up going home eventually.

A couple days later, his wife informed him that while he was at his friend's place (and mine), she had gathered up all the pills in the house she could find and a razor blade. She took them out to the hill by their house, wrote a suicide note, and sat there thinking about it. She didn't self-harm or take the pills. As he told me about this, he stated that this is actually an improvement on her behavior... they both came to an agreement that destroying her computer and all the rest was better than her cutting herself (which she has a history of).

Around this same time is when he started seeing his most recent partners also. When I told him I was not comfortable with it because A) HPV can't be tested for and can be spread even with condom use, and these partners are too high risk for me to want to continue having sex with him if he has sex with them, B) HIS MARRIAGE HAS HUGE PROBLEMS that he doesn't admit to, and C) I would really like a relationship with him that doesn't revolve around the above two issues... he was mad. He offered to stop seeing the new partners, and I asked him how he would feel if I was never ok with him seeing other partners (he'd offered to be monogamous to his wife before and he was ok with it, I wanted to know he'd be willing to be polyfidelitous). That's when the whole "not good enough" statement came up.

Shortly thereafter, I told him I thought it would be best to break up. It was really hard for me. I really didn't want to, but the whole situation was just too crazy and chaotic. He said he thought we needed a "temporary separation" and we could come back together later. He also said he thought it'd be ok for us to still get together, fool around, or even have sex during this time. I didn't ask... those came out of his mouth unbidden. Since then, little has changed aside from not having sex. We still see each other just as often. He still sees his new partners. His wife still has anxiety (but she is seeing a therapist and taking medication now and the outbursts are only once every couple weeks instead of every week now). They have new stressors... her LDR partner is moving to the area and is living with them until he finds a place.

During this "broken up" time is when he has being doing things that I would consider courtship, but refusing to actually make anything of it. I keep trying to get distance, and then I go back to it because I don't want to lose my place to the new partners or I want to prove something or I just like him and it hurts to end things over and over again.

This is so fucking unhealthy.
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