Sexual Roles Getting Fuzzy
Ok, here's a new development in my Vee that has confused the hell out of me.
My husband, who is a sort of closet bisexual, has realized he is strongly attracted to my lover, Michael, who has also been his close friend. Michael, however, is hetero. These feelings were only realized very recently, so no discussion with Michael has happened yet. Not even sure if telling him is a good idea at all, but for now, my husband has ruled that he simply cannot be around the two of us when we're together.
This has made things far more complicated, of course. The original hope was that all three of us would be very close, maybe even intimate, eventually, but it doesn't seem to be moving in that way. We were going to get a place together over time if this worked well, but these latest developments now make that impossible.
Over this short time (six weeks?), Danny's feelings for Michael have simply become too much for him to handle. He says he can't stand being around Michael because of his own feelings for him (and the awareness that Michael is "very" hetero), and also because he feels jealousy for what Michael and I are now sharing.
For myself, I have no problem whatsoever with Danny having such feelings for Michael. Michael is an amazing man, and we both hold him in very high regard. He's raised over 20 foster kids, he spends time with elderly friends playing chess, and he's extremely attentive to both me as a lover and to all his friends, which are numerous. In fact, I've never known a human spirit so GOOD, and this makes it all that much harder for Danny.
I hate seeing how much Danny is hurting over this. He loves Michael, and wants to show it in the way that I can, but he knows it won't be welcome. Now, the time I spend with Michael is tainted with an underlying guilt and sadness for Danny.
Being trained in counseling, my opinion is that this should be talked about openly with Michael at some point. Of course, Danny wants nothing of the sort to happen, but in the meantime, MIchael has no idea, really, why the three of us can no longer hang out together. I've been sworn to secrecy.
I'm left with a new relationship that I thought, in the beginning, was going to be a sort of group endeavor, but has now turned out to be another one-on-one, which I would have never wanted had I known it would go this way. I was very happy in my marriage, and I still am. It's just a lot harder now.
ANY advice would be appreciated. Thanks.