For me, between 38-43+ was huge changes in re-evaluating who I am and what I can handle/live with. I feel like everything has gone from one extreme to the other and back again a few times and is only now starting to settle someplace in-between. Instead of mid-life "crisis", I think a better term is mid-life "chaos". Kids are becoming more independent, my body doesn't work quite as well, work stress, etc.
I did the whole "I don't give a shit" and distanced myself from those around me for a while. It helped! I was able to step back and see where I was being overly sensitive, demanding and unfair to others. It gave me time to wrap my head around how to NOT be bothered by certain behaviors, that previously were incredibly hurtful. I am now in the process of slowly re-building a better relationship with those I had pulled away from.
My heart goes out to you.