SLOW CHESS: INTIMACY EXPERIMENTS
DH is so sweet. Lovely date last Saturday night before he left -- low key. Dinner, a walk, then some hot cocoa. Then home. We talked about various things, kid, remodel, work, family, poly, and some mutual crushes.
I love flirting with him. I love him yanking my chain.
I'm very fortunate in that he's straight up about where he's at and the idea of sharing me doesn't wig him out. The idea of sharing him doesn't wig me out either.
I'm entertaining asking a friend-crush out again -- not with any particular aim other than to experience another small Opening and digest it. Dabble in intimacy shared with another -- a heart share, heart to heart talking. Have already had a mind share date and a soul share date with other friend crushes. Not interest in a body share intimacy thing (sex) right now. So I was telling DH about my thinks.
DH is amused at my approach -- systematic and ruthlessly practical:
Ms Logical: Look -- here's all this intimacy I could be having with Another. So let's watch me go off to have it then and try it on safe, KNOWN people in small doses.
Ms Emotion: Did I feel disgustingly vomitous? Did you? What was that like? Knowing I'm off somewhere, possibly crossing TMI lines? Do you trust me to keep a TMI line where it should be? Do you trust me to fuzzy the line when/where appropriate?
Ms Logical: It has been a looong time since I was his hinge. And this would be a hinge of another flavor -- marriage hinge is different than single/dating hinge like before. It comes at another price tag now. So best we test that -- some test flights here before undertaking the mission.
I never learned to play chess properly. But this is what it feels like. Edge play of the heart with slow ass chess moves. And having so much FUN!
I know I'm blessed. I was laying in his arms after making love and he was nuzzling my ear. I tell him often that I know I'm blessed, and I'm lucky to have him as my spouse partner, to have THIS. He laughed and stroked my back and told me I'm just greedy for cupcakes. I poked him for teasing and it grew into delicious kissing. And he told me again -- "I've love for you to have it. I'd love to help you have it."
wonderful man. Makes my toes just squidge up in pleasure.
But it's not just that pleasure. On the meta level?
I get the other pleasure. Where I just get to side step so much
of the drama in being deliberate, slow and prepared. If/when we're done with this period of Engagement and if we decide to quietly be Open to Another later? Not small Openings but OPEN open? Well, if it grows out of an an existing friendship, so it grows. If it doesn't happen, it doesn't happen. Nobody's had a cow or wigged or anything.
I already have a Good Share with DH that I'm enjoying. I don't lack for poly expression, and I don't lack for acceptance. If I get to be blessed twice, yay. If not? Yay still. Cupcakes for me either way.
But today's pleasure? I get to pick up my hunneh at the airport when he flies back in from business. Can't wait to see him. It's been a short trip this time but still... yaaaay! He's coming home! Wheee!
I suppose kid and I could bring him a cupcake and stick a chess piece on it. Hee hee.