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Old 01-22-2013, 02:39 PM
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UpsideDown UpsideDown is offline
Join Date: Dec 2012
Posts: 61

Originally Posted by opalescent View Post
It's been my experience that folks with cutegirl's personality don't understand everyone not being as open as they are. They also tend not to get privacy or keeping things in confidence. I am glad cutegirl is not malicious but - again in my experience - folks like her can be easily manipulated by those who are...And I am generally not close to people like that.
I've never really had anyone in my life with her kind of personality before, so I have zero experience with it. The part of me that gives people the benefit of the doubt wants to start making excuses for her in this, excuse it as venting...something. Anything. Blaming malicious OtherGuy seems easy enough, but when I accidentally found the hurtful information, I didn't go snooping through months of conversations. I felt that would have been a breach, even though what I'd stumbled upon was them discussing the intentional misuse of my personal information.

Originally Posted by opalescent View Post
You are already close and intertwined personally and professionally.
And we get more so every day, even if we see each other less. We are asked to vouch for each other as colleagues on a nearly daily is a very interdependent professional working relationship. I'm not really sure how this will impact the new job we both started this week.

Originally Posted by opalescent View Post
I guess I would prefer a rip the band aid off fast approach personally. Tell her why you are hurt, what her actions did to you. Tell her exactly why you are ramping down or ending the friendship. Don't do it expecting her to change. She won't. She might not even see that her actions were inappropriate. Do it to get your pain and hurt in the open and out of your system.
I'm having a miserably hard time telling her anything, partially because of he two reasons outlined above, and partially because I can go through the whole day and not remember until I have something sensitive to tell her. Until those particular moments crop up, it just doesn't seem real that she'd behave that way, so I finally have my friend back after two months of rocky hell. I am, selfishly, loathe to give that up. I know I need to, I just think I'd prefer letting it dissipate and become cordial as opposed to entailing the explosion that will come if she's confronted (especially as she probably won't see that she did anything wrong).

Unless, of course, malicious stalker asshole comes 'round to check on me here again. If he does, I'm sure he'll let her know that I know about it. Whether or not he correctly quotes me or not, as he hasn't before, must wait to be seen. He might see it and feel like there's not a way to out me for knowing without outing himself for being a tool, or he might tell her and she'll never let me know, but just draw away herself. No idea.

The part of me that isn't an incurable and curmudgeonly old man just hopes it magically resolves itself and goes away. I can hope, right?

Originally Posted by opalescent View Post
Defriend malicious guy but don't engage further. There is no point in that. If pressed you could say that he showed you who he really is and you are not interested in any interactions with him.
Seriously, fuck that guy. I've stopped interacting with him already, but am looking for an excuse, any excuse, to unfriend him. When I have one (this explodes, I cull out people I don't talk to again, something), he's gone. If it is due to this exploding, I do plan on telling him what kind of terrible rabid asshat he is.

Originally Posted by opalescent View Post
I don't see the point of telling cutegirl's primary. Unless it's a brand new relationship he already knows she is incapable of keeping secrets. You may want to tell him why you are slowing down/ending the friendship with her especially as you and he are friends. But that's more of a 'straight from the horse's mouth' kind of thing.
CG's primary is trying to figure out some important relationship stuff with her, and has been asking for my advice lately. I've been giving it to him, with my belief that she is a) trustworthy and b) considerate of others. When we were all out this weekend, BF asked me what was up, because he could tell there was a difference, and I told him I'd talk to him later. If he didn't know me so well, didn't ask for advice, and wasn't such a good guy, I probably wouldn't engage.

Fuck. This situation sucks all kinds of balls.
29, married to DH, the best guy in the world. 2 kids, dog, house with fence.
Developed a fast and accidental crush on then-best-friend, CG (cute-girl) and world fell apart after telling said girl. Came here for advice and info in case it became a thing. It didn't, but the friendship exploded. Turned world a bit upside-down, hence the moniker. ::sigh::
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