I have been nothing but honest with him. I knew there would be difficulty and thus only asked for a bare minimum of "more than friends" type intimacy. He is even jealous of us holding hands, kissing, snuggling. There is a sexual attraction between us but I have no intention of crossing that boundary. She and I have had ample opportunity in some of the most tempting of circumstances and were still able to control ourselves. He claims the biggest issue is the intimacy that he feels he earned from her over years of kids and marriage is being given to me without earning it myself the same way, (all the ugly strings attached). I told him that our relationships are completely different and assured him that I could never dream of competing with him based on the long difficult history they share. another thing he told me is that he doesn't like how he feels that their couple time (cuddling, sex) feels tainted by me. He feels that she is bringing my aura into his bed. Their sex life has sky rocketed from once every few weeks to once a day. She has typically been a sex negative type person. He even admitted that their emotional intimacy and communication with each other has improved greatly. But I guess if it was me that caused it then its evil and insidious
. I tried to help him understand that you can't insulate your spouse from the outside world. Her moods are changed and effected by EVERY personal interaction be they friends, family, or grocery tellers and to feel that she shouldn't bring any of that home is unrealistic. I can't believe he would rather go back to their old relationship style simply because it was unaccosted by me.