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Old 01-22-2013, 07:55 AM
InfinitePossibility InfinitePossibility is offline
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Join Date: Nov 2011
Posts: 557

I wonder if some of the language you use might be feeding some of your friend's husband's worries.

You describe having strong feelings for your friend and that she feels the same way. And you say.

Originally Posted by graviton View Post
I asked her if she could approach her husband to the possibility of us dating with no expectation of physical intimacy outside of cuddling and kissing and some emotional intimacy (I really need to have her romantically in my life).
To me, you are describing a friendship. I have several friends that I feel very strongly about, who I share enormous amounts of emotional intimacy with. Some that I cuddle and hold hands with sometimes. One that I kiss sometimes. Some that I would curl up with to watch films. These people are friends of mine. I don't see there being really any romance in those relationships.

We meet for dinner, coffee, drinks. We make time to see each other alone as well as in groups. But still - these are friendships. I see them that way because I don't expect them to change. The levels of physical intimacy are about where we are all happy with, the emotional intimacy is grand, we aren't planning on merging our lives or having children together or really changing anything. We're friends.

Now - some of these friendships sound lots like what you have with your friend.

But you're using language like dating and NRE and romance and having fallen in love.

I wonder. Is this just a language thing? Maybe if it is, you could explain that to your friend's husband.

Or maybe it indicates that there is more to come. It does to me. Right now you say that all you want to do is be able to meet up, talk, hold hands and maybe kiss. If I was the husband I'd be thinking that what you've asked for is what you think will be agreed to right now and that probably the door is being opened to an ongoing pressure for the level of physical intimacy, time and emotional intimacy to progress.

And progress to where? Maybe his concern is partly that he doesn't feel like he knows your intentions.

I wonder if he feels that sort of creeping dread where you know that you're going to be asked for more and more and you don't actually know where things are truly headed. That would bother me.

Your language indicates a level of dishonesty to me and I wonder if that's partly what is bothering your friend's husband.

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