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Old 01-22-2013, 12:07 AM
JaneQSmythe JaneQSmythe is offline
Senior Member
Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: Pennsyl-tucky
Posts: 1,868

Originally Posted by soleilselene View Post
I did finally have casual sex with a hookup I had. We had sex 2 times. I was hoping that it would last more but I don't think it will. ...

This guy I knew through a friend and so I knew he was not a psycho. He is very free spirited and hippie like so he doesn't want any strings or expectations. ...

I did get a little attached but it was due to me finally having sex after a year... I wanted to do it all the time now. I was not falling for him, he was not romantic it was just sex.
Just my two cents...from my own early experiences (which you can read about in my "Journey" blog here if you like):

When I was young, before MrS, I was only interested in fuck-buddies and friends-with-benefits - I was specifically NOT looking for "romantic" entanglements. (For the record, many people do not consider FWBs to be, strictly speaking, "poly" - I do, but definitions matter little). I was always very up front about this. One of the "rules" that I had for myself was that I wouldn't sleep with someone more than three times. In my (limited) experience, people tended to develop feelings for people that they slept with repeatedly - I wasn't afraid of this for myself but for my potential sexual partners. (I also wouldn't sleep with someone if, in my opinion, they had a high likelihood of developing an attachment before that point.)

Perhaps your "free spirited...hippie like" guy has concerns that you might become attached in ways that could threaten a.) your marriage (hurting you) and b.) his freedom (hurting him), so he is pulling away? (this is what I would have done back then)

I think there are probably people out there who would love to have a long-term FWB if you are very up-front about what you are looking for. A bit of a warning though, many men SAY they would love that type of set-up...but it turns out that they are wrong (not that they were lying, but that in practice they don't respond in the way they thought they would theoretically). (This may also be true for many women - I don't know, my longest FWBs are all women, so it hasn't seemed to be a problem.)


PS. I totally understand wanting to have sex "all the time" after a long dry spell - when I first got together with Dude I had a LOT of horny stored up. Now that my libido is back to its normal level I think he is a little disappointed.
JaneQ(Me): poly bi female, in an "open-but-not-looking" V-plus with -
MrS: hetero polyflexible male, live-in husband (25+ yrs)
Dude: hetero poly male, live-in boyfriend (7+ yrs) and MrS's BFF
SLeW: platonic hetero girlfriend and BFF
MrClean: hetero mono male, almost lover-friend to me, FWBs to SLeW, friends with MrS
+ "others" = FBs, FWBs, lover-friends, platonic G/BFs, boytoys, etc.

My poly blogs here:
The Journey of JaneQSmythe
The Notebook of JaneQSmythe

Last edited by JaneQSmythe; 01-22-2013 at 12:13 AM. Reason: adding quote for the part I was responding to, and a PS
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