You don't need to apologize, I didn't mean to criticize, just to offer an alternate perspective. I'm sorry to hear about your experience with your ex, how terrrible. Have you considered therapy to help with what you went through?
Me, 30ish bi female, been doing solo poly for roughly 5 years. Gia, Clay, and Pike, my partners. Davis, ex/friend/"it's complicated." Eric, Gia's husband. Bee, Gia and Eric's toddler.