Originally Posted by threesnocrowd
What experiences do you guys have of a married couple and the guy's best male friend getting together? Does it end up in happiness or tears more often? Advice? Thoughts? Stories to share?
I guess it would depend on how the tangle started. In my case, Wendigo (BF)and Runic Wolf (DH) were best friends. Wendigo and I were also very close friends and confidants. So when Wendigo approached me, while drunk, and initially broached the subject about becoming more than friends, I was surprised, but willing to consider it. The problems arose when I wasn't as clear with Runic Wolf as I needed to be. Wendigo was extremely nervous and I'm not sure that he was any better. And while we got permission, neither of us thought things through all the way. Feelings developed and NRE abounded, but we were in denial about it internally, which lead to half truths, miscommunication, and eventually hurt and mistrust. When our heads were clear of the NRE and we were able to discuss things clearly and all of us got on the same page again, trust was rebuilt and 3 1/2 years later, our marriages, friendships, and relationships doing well. That isn't to say that there aren't occasional hiccups, but several months back, Runic Wolf got Wendigo a job where he works and that had given them a chance to strengthen their friendship, because it did change and evolve when Wendigo and I got together. While he helps me understand Runic Wolf better than I ever have before, Runic Wolf does not have many friends who are separate from me and for along time felt like I had stolen his best friend from him, which was never my intent.
My advice would be take things slow, communicate often and make sure that you're definitions match up or at least understand what different things mean to different people. Alot of our misunderstandings came up because we had different definitions of sex (for me sex=penetration; the rest is fore play or fooling around unless w/ a female partner; and for him sex = anything where bodily fluids can be involved; blow jobs, hand jobs, fingering, etc). Know yourself and what your intentions are; be clear about them with all parties and check in regularly. Don't play the middle man/ woman. Good luck! It doesn't have to end in tears, but it does take work.