If you see he is suffering, and that he perhaps is agreeing to do something his heart is not
in... why do you choose to continue it?
However he is such a damper on us and is so damned indecisive its driving me nuts and making it very hard for us to enjoy what we have.
Its making it very tempting to pretend to break up and just start a good old fashioned affair to spare him his hurt feelings.
Nope. That spares him nothing. That gives you the ability to enjoy your affair with her without having to see
It is better to stick with what you have -- honest
suffering with him knowing what is going on. That's the price of admission right now. If you guys want to work on it, then it can perhaps be improved in time as he gets used to the "new normal" and comes to see/realize nothing horrible has happened as a result.
But choosing to lie to him that you break it off, but then really continue it behind his back? Right now he may be struggling and suffering. But he's not being betrayed.
Don't do that. It's not flattering to you to choose that kind of behavior.
Better would be that you suggest your GF address her and her husband's trust/secure issues. Make sure she's not neglecting her spouse or you your own wife as you both are in the NRE phase of things.
On your end YOU be a trustworthy person and let him get to know you in time and get over whatever fears/insecure he may be worried about. Don't STOP being trustworthy just because it is not fun for you to watch him struggle. When you got involved with her, it is not her as a single woman. She comes as a package -- her, her spouse, her kids. More people is more wants, needs, and limits to balance in healthy relationships.
Could that help get the conversation going?