Originally Posted by WhatHappened
Except he didn't exactly make this bed.
This bed was flipped over while he was sleeping and tossed on him!
I personally think selfish is the antithesis of love. I cannot fathom hurting the one I love, feeling guilt and selfishness over it, knowing the one I love hurts, and dismissing it and justifying it with, "Oh, well, all love is selfish."
These choices feel like a bit of blame the victim to me. Perhaps she
could learn to lose her
resentment, too. Perhaps she
could forgo the lover for his
happiness. Why would it be on the one who had the tables turned on him to agree to the mid-stream change in rules?
It is a perfectly legitimate choice to not accept a marriage that includes your spouse having lovers.
In my analysis I am assuming that she wants the lover enough and has done enough soul searching to decide that she is willing to fight for this new relationship. The bed I am referring to is the one made by choosing either a or b when responding to her desire. This scenario seems pretty typical for "coerced" nonmonagomy.