Originally Posted by nycindie
Generally, one would contact the spouse to confirm that someone is poly and everything is above board -- BEFORE getting involved.
Note: this is NYCs personal approach to meeting new people. The polyamorous people I know (myself included) do not require meetings with other partners to verify their cooperation.
Now, with the evidence you (original poster) have been given, I would STRONGLY suggest talking to your lover (not his wife) and if you think he's lying to you then leave him. If you think he's telling the truth then go with it.