Less than optimal
Hi Kevin, thanks for your timely thoughts!
She is coming back today from a trip with "R". It has been delicate all these weeks, because the girlfriend of 'R' has already some jealousy feelings building up. Meanwhile, 'J' was made aware by 'A' beforehand in December. He although did not accept that she was pursuing a third relationship. Anyway, she is having to manage it all by emails.
Watching this whole situation as an expectator, I feel that being a married man makes me less attractive to women, comparing to how my wife 'A', as a married woman, is very attractive to man (specially singles or cheaters). Getting into this forum is also a way for me to get perspective on such asymmetries...
We made a commitment to become poly. Since I do not want to spoil it, I have been accepting these less than optimal situations again and again.