Hello from California
I have been following this forum for almost two years.
My wife 'A' and I are happily married (for almost 12 years) and, after some preliminary reading, we both decided to try polyamory (back in August 2011).
For exactly 16 months we have been in a V with a second man, 'J', who is now living very far from us. He although recently made a short visit and promised to come back soon.
Meanwhile, since last December, 'A' started dating one more man, 'R'. They will also endure a distance relationship because 'R' does not live in US and will be back home soon.
Concerning me, I have dated a girl for four month just after we decided to become poly (in year 2011). We broke up because she did not accept the poly model. Since then, I am solely with 'A'.
I have three reflections and would love if someone could point me to related threads or just send me some thoughts.
1- How should we deal with lovers who are not truly poly and therefore end up cheating on their primaries (both men involved with 'A' have girlfriends who are not completely aware of our polyamory relationship).
2- What type of advice could I give her in regards to keeping another distance relationship? I feel there is too much idealization and a waste of time keeping email and phone contact for only a few weeks a year for being together.
3- Do you think that a good initial approach is to prioritize involvement with poly couples, specially those who are already in a long and stable relationship? In other words, avoid monogamic people.