please help a noob
I am a married straight man of 17 years to a woman I love very dearly. I have been smitten with her best friend since I first laid eyes on her 4 years ago. It was unlike anything I have ever felt when I saw her. Fast forward to today. Only a 3 months ago we began texting each other and very quickly fell in love. It seems we both had the same intense feelings for each other and revealing some of these just opened a flood gate. This other woman is married also for about 14 years to a man who is very much a push over and will do anything (it seems) to make her happy. He is one of the nicest guys I know. After she and I declared our love and affection for one another I asked her if she could approach her husband to the possibility of us dating with no expectation of physical intimacy outside of cuddling and kissing and some emotional intimacy (I really need to have her romantically in my life). Neither of our families had ever ventured into this arena before, however my wife has been very supportive and understanding, as she has known about my infatuation with her friend all these years. To keep things short, he agreed to us dating (to my surprise) and told me to keep things above the belt. However he also told me he was very sad and nervous about the whole thing but did not want to hurt his wife. I told him that if he wasn't OK with us he just needed to lay down the law and tell her no. He doesn't appear comfortable doing that. As a result he is now always glum and weird and nervous and paranoid about us even though we have been on our best behavior and completely open and honest with him. I have had hours of discussion, just the two of us, to help him understand my intentions and to confront any fears or insecurities he may have. Both families have kids and we love our spouses dearly so we are not looking to run away with each other. However he is such a damper on us and is so damned indecisive its driving me nuts and making it very hard for us to enjoy what we have. I fully expected him to tell me to fuck off or just give me the thumbs up, but this wishy washy stuff is infuriating to me. Its making it very tempting to pretend to break up and just start a good old fashioned affair to spare him his hurt feelings. Has anyone dealt with this? What do you do? I am in so deep with her (with lots of NRE) that I don't think either of us can bear to break it off at this point. Any help is greatly appreciated.