Thanks for your replies. JaneQ, I think you've hit the nail on the head. G and I have a lot of trust and boundary issues to work through that have nothing to do with H and we need to do some more work on those before I am ready for the 'all three' conversation. Gala Girl, I agree we want to avoid the he said she said. In fact, H invited G over for a talk a couple weeks ago. I didn't really get much detail from G but at 11pm he was texting me that it was a breakup talk, that she didn't want to have sex anymore and by 3am they were having sex. She seems to have a lot of guilt surrounding sex and they only hook up at the end of a night at the bar , hence the very late returns. She isn't particularly poly and has never been involved with poly people before. There are also issues with her roommate, E, the friend I met her through, being pissy and passive aggressive about her hooking up with all Es friends. Anyway, I really just wanted to talk to her about her side of things, her guilty feelings, etc. And my feelings as well. I want to know if she can accept that she is attracted to and wants to have sex with G and maybe these super late night's can be avoided. I know that's probvably not up to me.
All of this may nomatter as I told hemly several times(through chat, she doesn't have a phone right now) that I wanted to meet just the two of us and she became insistent we meet as three. I kinda lost it and called the meet off because i was so upset that she was ignoring my wishes. I think I felt betrayed that our friendship didn't merit a one on one conversation. In hindsight, I probably overreacted and I fear that she will now be afraid to be honest with me about her feelings. I don't even know how to approach trying to have a talk again and I feel extremely uncomfortable with the idea of G seeing her again while she and I (and him and me for that matter) have all these unresolved issues.