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Old 01-19-2013, 01:19 AM
JaneQSmythe JaneQSmythe is offline
Senior Member
Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: Pennsyl-tucky
Posts: 1,868
Default Gestalt

I'm going to respond to my "gestalt" of this thread, as opposed to specific quotes.

#1.) Give it time. NRE lasts 6 months to two years. Until you are past that and things have "settled down" things are still in flux.

Attention waxes and wanes. When I got together with Dude I was hot for him all the time - he was "new and shiny" and I had a huge store of "horny" saved up! Now? (two years in). I have sex with Dude all the time. Sex with MrS is no more frequent, but, because of its infrequency, is much more "wetness"-inducing.

#2.) YOU are responsible for getting your needs met...even if it means doing it yourself.

I really like the suggestion that you add toys to your play. There is nothing wrong with lubes/toys. Get yourself close and then get him to "finish" you...or let him have his fun then "finish" yourself. Make him watch you get yourself off and not "let" him participate...etc.

#3.) It is OK to give someone a "gift" of sex...if you want to.

I'm not saying that you should do anything that makes you uncomfortable! BUT, I can give my boyfriend a blowjob because HE will enjoy it, even if I am not turned on by the act itself - I still enjoy HIS enjoyment. Sometimes I get "oral favors" because I LIKE that, even if there is no reciprocal activity. Yes, it's great when sexual activity is mutually sexually satisfactory...but it is actually okay for the attention to be one-sided if everyone is happy with that.
JaneQ(Me): poly bi female, in an "open-but-not-looking" V-plus with -
MrS: hetero polyflexible male, live-in husband (25+ yrs)
Dude: hetero poly male, live-in boyfriend (7+ yrs) and MrS's BFF
SLeW: platonic hetero girlfriend and BFF
MrClean: hetero mono male, almost lover-friend to me, FWBs to SLeW, friends with MrS
+ "others" = FBs, FWBs, lover-friends, platonic G/BFs, boytoys, etc.

My poly blogs here:
The Journey of JaneQSmythe
The Notebook of JaneQSmythe
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