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Old 01-18-2013, 11:43 PM
JaneQSmythe JaneQSmythe is offline
Senior Member
Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: Pennsyl-tucky
Posts: 1,692

Originally Posted by Precious1 View Post

Anyone reassure me I made the right call in staying home?
I have to go through the rest again and consider it...but for THIS question? Yes, I think you made the right call.

We are not "out" to our families. At some point we probably will be - but we aren't now. A wedding should be about the people getting married - so if there is ANY CHANCE AT ALL that drama will ensue from your attendance then NOT attending is the the best option - you can communicate with the celebrants privately and let them know that you are so happy for them, but there are other considerations. Yes, you all need to work on your communication. Yes, you need to practice how to behave toward each other in situations where you are not "out" - a wedding is NOT an appropriate "practice" location.

You say:
But it is obvious to me in people watching - you know when two people are obviously in love, even if they aren't holding hands or touching.
- which has been said both here and to me personally ... but, in fact, I have not really found this to be true (on my side at least). Perhaps I am an exceptional actress (unlikely)...but I think that a large portion of this is context and expectation. "Everyone knows" that my husband loves me...they see it and comment on it. Many people figure out that Dude "has feelings for" what? People can have crushes on whomever. Very few people (two actually) have seen that Dude and I are "involved" before I told them (one of which kept that suspicion to herself until I disclosed it - she is my best friend). When we are out in public together people either a.) assume he is my husband (because they don't know MrS) or b.) I introduce him as "our friend/roommate" and act like it is no big deal.

If you are/were unsure of your ability to not "slip up" then I think your solution - taking your metamour's fears into account - was the best solution at the time. At this point I only take Dude to "family" events with people that I am eventually willing to come out to (our parents and our siblings) just in case we slip up.

We all do the best we can with the information that we have. Sometimes this involves hard decisions. I think that you can feel satisfied with this one.

Me: poly bi female, in an "open-but-not-looking" V-plus with -
MrS: hetero polyflexible male, live-in husband (24+ yrs)
Dude: hetero poly male, live-in boyfriend (5+ yrs) and MrS's BFF
SLeW: platonic girlfriend and BFF
Lotus: "it's complicated"
+ "others" = FBs, FWBs, lover-friends, platonic G/BFs, boytoys, etc.

My poly blogs here:
The Journey of JaneQSmythe
The Notebook of JaneQSmythe

Last edited by JaneQSmythe; 01-18-2013 at 11:49 PM.
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