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Old 01-18-2013, 09:55 PM
JaneQSmythe JaneQSmythe is offline
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Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: Pennsyl-tucky
Posts: 1,836

Originally Posted by skyfire322 View Post
I told her that if something happened, I'd be fine with it, as long as she let me know...

...Two days pass, and I get an "I forgot to tell you" message from Anne saying that something did happen between her and Don. She stated that both of them drank a decent amount, and went for a walk. According to her, she "didn't anticipate anything, and things went from there. If she had known, she would have asked."

I know that I said that if something happened between Anne and Don, that I wouldn't mind, but it would have been nice to get an FYI.

... Also, did I put myself in a situation where she would assume that it would be alright?
With just the information provided I would say that you DID put yourself in a situation where she would assume that it would be alright - since you seemed to have said that IF "something" happened you would be fine with it, as long as she let you know (no timeframe specified - before, after, next opportunity). Since neither the timeframe or the "something" was particularly defined it might not have even occurred to her that "groping/making out" when she already had a "free pass" would even have qualified as needing disclosure.

To me, it sounds like it was your conversation with her later - the next day when you told her that "something" (a make-out session) had occurred, which then got her thinking that you consider "making out" to be a "something" she made a point of telling you fairly quickly after that.

I wouldn't sweat it - she DID tell you, once she thought about it and realized that you would want to know. (In my world, groping/making out is not necessarily a "something" if it is with someone that we already know someone is attracted to OR with someone we don't know but who isn't going to become an ongoing contact/potential new partner.) I don't think the drinking comes into play at all - sounds like it was more an issue of communicating expectations.

Me: poly bi female, in an "open-but-not-looking" V-plus with -
MrS: hetero polyflexible male, live-in husband (24+ yrs)
Dude: hetero poly male, live-in boyfriend (6+ yrs) and MrS's BFF
SLeW: platonic hetero girlfriend and BFF
MrClean: hetero mono male, almost lover-friend to me, FWBs to SLeW
+ "others" = FBs, FWBs, lover-friends, platonic G/BFs, boytoys, etc.

My poly blogs here:
The Journey of JaneQSmythe
The Notebook of JaneQSmythe

Last edited by JaneQSmythe; 01-18-2013 at 09:57 PM.
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