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Old 01-18-2013, 06:40 PM
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Helo Helo is offline
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Join Date: Mar 2011
Location: California
Posts: 279

Originally Posted by WhatHappened View Post
I disagree with the idea that monogamy is about ownership. Certainly there are people out there who feel they possess their spouse and own them. But that doesn't define all monogamy for all people. In my experience, monogamy is a great gift that a couple gives willingly, freely, to one another, and while it doesn't require anyone to choose it, there are good and valid reasons for monogamy, and beneifts to it.
Ownership of another person is essentially what monogamy was FOUNDED on. A wife was the property of a husband and traditions to that effect extend to this day; the wedding ring was a symbol of who owned you, the dowry was payment to the husband's family so they'd actually be willing to take your daughter off your hands (the bride's family is expected to cover the costs of the wedding).

When you marry someone in a totally monogamous relationship, you are legally reinforcing that the other person is "my" husband or "my" wife (as the case may be) and before that they're "your" boyfriend or "your" girlfriend. Even the language we use to describe it denotes ownership. That person is then only allowed to give their love to you, their partner, lest they be considered unfaithful and a bad person. If they dont want to marry out of a fear of entering into such ownership, they're considered "not serious" or "not really in love" with their partner. It creates walls and limits around people artificially that they cant cross without serious social (or in some cases legal) penalties.

Its ludicrous to expect or demand that ONE person satisfy all of your physical, spiritual, sexual, and emotional needs. If you end up in a monogamous relationship where those needs arent met to the point where you start to feel uncomfortable or unhappy your choices are try to change the relationship such that you do get your needs met which equates to changing the other person for YOUR desires or you have to just accept that unhappiness and deal with it other ways. If you want to incur social penalties you can split up but as almost everyone reading this knows, it's rarely ever that easy.

If people are happy and fulfilled in a monogamous relationship, more power to 'em. The idea just leaves a bad taste in my mouth.
I am as direct as a T-Rex with 'roid rage and about as subtle. It isn't intended to cause upset, I just prefer to talk plain. There are plenty of other people here who do the nice, polite thing much better than I can. I'm what you'd call a "problem dinner guest."
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