Originally Posted by GalaGirl
...sounds less than supportive from her depending on HOW it was said. You seem upset/confused, so I assume the way she said it was.... off?
The "I'm going to live my life, if you want to be a part of it you need to be on board" conversation can be a tough one. This includes if she said it in a VERY constructive and emotionally sensitive fashion.
However, that type of statement in my life is absolutely paramount. CV told me once that the only real deal breaker he will not overlook in his relationships is someone demanding that he leave IV (presumably to become monogamous with them). Everything else is technically negotiable. He went on to clarify that they need to be more than "ok" with his lifestyle. If they are simply enduring the fact that he will not be monogamous with them, that is not enough.
In order to be in an intimate and romantic relationship with someone our core worldview on interpersonal relationships need to be compatible. Meaning, I live my life by right (not permission) and anyone who is going to be an integral part of my personal life needs to be able to embrace this part of me. It is such a fundamental part of how we relate to other humans that it can't simply be something that is endured or ignored. My autonomy is sacred to me and if someone cannot be completely on board with that... they need to hit the road.
Trying to explain that to someone I have been monogamous for a number of years is going to cause some hurt feelings, no matter how I say it. But in the end it is a fundamental truth and it is better to get it out in the open early.