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Old 01-18-2013, 03:52 AM
GalaGirl GalaGirl is offline
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Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 6,273

I think every "mini relationship" inside a larger one (be it a polyship or familyship or whatever) benefits from alone time. I sometimes write it out in posts - here's one time I wrote it out for a V. All those polymath tiers.

I need alone time as a solo or I get driven bonkers by too much togetherness -- shoo, kid! Shoo, DH! Go to school! Go to work! People need rest from the larger network. Couples need rest from the larger network.

You don't get to MISS the other ones til you are alone. That helps you appreciate when they are present more and what they bring to the table. If you are always together -- what is there to talk about that is interesting that the other person was not there for? Risk going into a conversational rut.
(My parents struggle with this in retirement. )

There are things my kid will only tell me without Dad around -- like how she's feeling about Dad, and asking for advice. Not that he doesn't anything horrible but there was this whole Christmas present thing recently.

As a couple, DH and I need time away from the kid. There is nothing we do (apart from sex) she could not witness. Dinner out is dinner out, right? But we get to go to the places she does not like and we do, see adult movies, etc.

It's going to be the same in a romance as in a family -- everyone has different tastes, interests, and different needs for quantity of alone time. But mere asking for some -- doesn't seen unusual to me. Alone time opens the door to opportunities for sharing deeper intimacy -- mind share, heart share, etc.

Each little relationship tier needs tending and care on its own tier. Then all the puzzle pieces that make up the larger polyship (since your case is a romance thing) can fly well together. Serolynne does a good job explaining it and how ONE mini tier being wonky can trickle over ugh feelings on to the other tiers.

I just add the ghost layer of "how we want to be when we break up" to it because I think that is important convo to have and that's a tier sometimes people forget to think out.



Last edited by GalaGirl; 01-18-2013 at 04:00 AM.
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