Being poly doesn't dictate how all of the myriad of relationships in the "polyship" have to function. Look for some of Galagirl's excellent posts on "polymath" for an explanation of ALL of the relationships at play.
Just because someone is poly doesn't mean that the individual relationships between people don't need their own care and feeding. For a lot of people, this means that each "couple" in the configuration (whatever it is) needs "couple time" to focus on and nurture THAT relationship. The nature and amount of that "couple time" is determined by the people involved. As is the nature and amount of the "all together" time - which nurtures THAT relationship (the one between all three of you). In addition, many people (especially introverts) also require "alone time" by themselves - to foster THAT relationship (the one that you have with yourself). In our case the boys also get plenty of time together (without me) which fosters THAT relationship (friend-friend, metamour-metamour).
To me, this doesn't raise any red flags at all indicating that he (the boyfriend) has issues with poly, any more than preferring to see each of my friends one-on-one rather than at a big party EVERY TIME means that I have issues with friendship. It means that I enjoy being able to focus on ONE person at a time and go deep, rather than everyone at once and go broad. It's not that anything is a "secret" in particular (although you may like to read some of the excellent threads/posts here concerning privacy) - its a matter of having someone's FULL ATTENTION for a period of time.
Hope any of that makes sense.
Me: poly bi female, in an "open-but-not-looking" Vee-plus with -
MrS: hetero polyflexible male, live-in husband (21+ yrs)
Dude: hetero poly male, live-in boyfriend (3+ yrs) and MrS's best friend
Lotus: poly bi female, "it's complicated" relationships with Dude/JaneQ/MrS (1+ years)
TT: poly bi male, married to Lotus, FB with JaneQ
VV and MsJ: bi-women with male primaries, LTR LDR FWBs to JaneQ
My poly blogs here:
The Journey of JaneQSmythe
The Notebook of JaneQSmythe
Last edited by JaneQSmythe; 01-17-2013 at 11:28 PM.