Gah. KittyKatGirl, my friend who I was in a quad with for a few months two years ago is in deep doodoo. Her partner (who I think is a bit of a douche, to put it mildly) is continuing forward in 'poly' at the expense of their marriage. I understand that it's a need for him, and that she needs to be monogamous, and while I respect both of their rights to choose their own path in life, my heart is going out to her hardcore right now. They own a home together, and are working through some renos that need to happen before they can either sell, or move out and rent it out. As a result, they've been living together while separated since August. Not fun. Especially now that he's having actual sleepovers with lovers. She has been dating but thus far hasn't found a really strong connection.
So here she is, living in the same house as the man that she has loved for over a decade, knowing that he is choosing this lifestyle over their relationship. She tried to make a concession, and it was sinking her into a deeper and deeper depression. They went to counselling, even to poly-centric counselling, and the poly counsellor even said that it was questionable that he would push her so hard when it was obvious that she was mono. She knows that she has to move on, but the real estate/financial factor of it all is putting a major crimp in her life.
She's been taking time off from work to stay at home and cry. This is not good. I'm genuinely worried about her, and feel like she is lost in her current situation. I basically ordered her to move in with us - we have another spare room downstairs, and I've told her that she doesn't have to pay rent - she can just land there until she figures out what she wants to do. She says she is going to "seriously consider it" and is coming over on Saturday for couch snuggles and long conversations. I am generally a person that encourages people to follow their hearts, their truth, and find what the right way of being is. I flat out ordered her to move out. I don't know for sure if I have this kind of pull in her life, but I sure fuckin' hope that I do because something has got to give, and it's going to be her muthafuckin' sanity if this situation stays the same. Watching the love of your life head out to fuck other women when it kills your soul? When you tried to be "open" for two years and it just didn't work? KILLER. I hate him a bit for doing this to her - I would NEVER do this to a partner! Like fuck. Take a break! Wait until the house is sold. Respect her! It's just awful. He's just That Guy though, and is dating like crazy. Ugh.
She is a wonderful friend, and I want to be there for her during this time. Don't want her to be alone. Want her to be safe and happy, and coming from a place of power, finding her own place to live closer to her new job (that she loves) and to be more stable and centred in her life.
So sad for her. We've done a lot of talking over the months, and I was super supportive of her getting counselling and making WHATEVER decision regarding their relationship was good for her. Now she has a decision, but is stuck in stasis. Paralyzed in misery and torture. It's just so wrong to see such a wonderful person dying emotionally.