making myself more clear...
Thank you everyone! All of you have been helpful, especially Nycindie you gave me a lot of suggestions.
I realize now I was not clear enough. My husband is easily turned on by me I don't have to do much he's always ready to go. I do the special things he likes. The issue is I'm struggling to get wet for him, but more specifically he doesn't make me come very often and this bothers him...especially since he found out my boyfriend does all the time (don't ask it's a long story) We are going to do what ever it takes. We have always been open and communicating about this issue. We are always trying new things...but so far no luck. I just have so much trouble getting hot enough to come...and he is not going to feel better until he can make me come.
I have tried to get him at first gently and then very clearly that I would like him to be more "assertive, aggressive, dominate me, tear my clothes off, handcuff me, take me more forcefully, etc." as one of you suggested...and he admittedly just can't do it. It makes him uncomfortable. (And I am able to get this with my boyfriend). He has a low self esteem which just keeps getting worse and then he had no confidence and then I have a lot of trouble being turned on by this...which just perpetuates the problem. I know if we spent more time together it would be easier, but his job takes him 6 days a week, all day. This caused a lot of issues for me at first, but now that i have a boyfriend things are better for me...but my husband and I have the same problems...too little time, too little bonding and sex. (Note: The boyfriend doesn't take time away from my husband and I. Only the job.) He will not have this job forever ... but he will for a few more years...so we are going to have to figure out something. The next thing we are going to try is to explore the world of kink...we'll see.