When the birds leave the nest...
I want MY OWN HOME. When the kids are grown, I want a little home-that is JUST MINE. One bedroom with a magnificent full bath in it. One small guest bedroom and bathroom. A small kitchen and a breakfast nook. A “study” and a deck. A fireplace in my bedroom and one in the living room as well.
I want to decorate it with that which moves me most deeply. Photos, prints, papers, colors, fabrics that speak to my heart and of course-books.
I want it to be warm, cozy, friendly, loving space. I want my loves to feel welcomed there at any time. I want my grown children to feel welcome there at any time. I want my grandchildren to feel welcome coming and spending the night at grandma’s, baking cookies, playing with toys, painting, crafting, working in the garden, sunbathing on the deck.
I want it to feel inspirational, to motivate me to release my inner artist. Whether through my writing or through painting or through sketching or designing, crocheting or even sewing. I want it to resonate throughout with “Loving Radiance” energy.
But, I want it to be MINE.
I don’t want “our home”.
I want “our property”. They can have homes of their own on the property, designed as they wish, decked out with whatever it is that moves them.
I love them. I love them both. But I feel stifled within the confines of our joint home. I feel I am stagnating between exhausting battles for self growth. I feel I can’t spread my wings to the fullest of their width. I can’t be the woman that they want and need me to be-to either of them. I can’t offer them my full love and power, because I can’t tap into it due to the confines that come with sharing our space so intimately.
I believe with all of my heart, that if I had my own home; they could finally see and experience me for who I am in full, who I was meant to be, the full power of the woman they love, the depth of devotion I have for them and the strength of my love and commitment to them. They could see the real me. Instead of only seeing the me that struggles to survive within the confines and limitations that are placed upon me within the confines of their home…
"Love As Thou Wilt"