Originally Posted by BraverySeeker
So in the middle of a conversation with my wife the other day, I said in passing, "You're the poly one here." And she said to me, "You only think you're not."
If I were subconsciously poly, too, how would I know? How do long-established, monogamous couples figure it out? Does one usually know well before the other?
I'm sure answers vary as all types of people vary. Except for the having kids parts, my own story is very much like yours in part. I am the poly one with a spouse who I went to High School with. I can speculate your wife brought up the subconscious poly to give you an opening to talk with her about any crush or feelings you have or might ever experience. Maybe is also her way of practicing compersion.
I had asked my spouse Ave the same sort of question about some 5 years into our relationship ...after I did an awfully horrible transition coming out that I want and desire multiple relationships. I asked him, because I wanted to give him room to explore if it was possibly within his nature. I went through a lot of anguish and shame before accepting Poly and wanted to avoid making him feel guilty if he ever had a crush on anyone else.
Like most things, I think being poly falls along a scale with many shades of grey, rather just extreme monogamous or polamorus individuals populating the Earth. But it sounds you know the difference between infatuation and real feelings. If you don't feel like having more than your current loving relationship, then that's how you feel. I guess you can choose what kind of label to put on your feelings....to best describe yourself. GL