Originally Posted by lilyankh
The one thing that worked once was I roll played as his dom...that got me very hot...but while he doesn't mind that he is not good at role playing and once we started fucking it was the same boring style and my mind wandered again. Plus I need to learn more about being a dom...because i don't think I was very good at it. (I'm talking about a dom for an hour of sex, not full time)
Well one thing about being a Dom is that you have to just take it. You "use" him to satisfy yourself, and you let his pleasure come from you pleasuring yourself with him. In other words, if it reverts back to boring old missionary, you have nobody to blame but yourself, because you're the one driving the scene. So blindfold him, ties his arms up, and take what you want! But negotiate all that before you start so that you don't cross any boundaries, of course.
At least, that's what my husband's told me he wants from me when he wants to be submissive have me dominate him. It doesn't come naturally for me because I'm a passive, easy-going person. Taking control and having my way just doesn't feel loving.
But that requires your husband to actually desire the submissive role, or else you really will be using him. It's hard for me to get my head around, because to me "using" someone for my own sexual gratification is wrong
. But my husband assures me that's what he wants and that it's what will bring him pleasure, so I dig deep, psych myself up, and just do it.
... As for it being "just a phase" that really depends. If you don't do something about it and let it just continue, then there's a real chance that the phase will grow longer and longer and just become "the way it is now." Most people really do need active effort to maintain a healthy, exciting sex life after the newness wears off.