The last few weeks I've been using the 180, from Michele W. Davis's "Divorce Busting" book or website. And I've noticed a change. My wife is less angry, she's starting to be more polite to me, and she's even said "I love you" a couple of times on the phone. She's still staying in the guest bedroom, but she's finally agreed to let me meet her new partner, and (to her chagrin), he has asked to meet with me alone, because he thinks our discussion will be free and more frank than if she were there. Which is very possible.
I'm going to the gym now, losing weight, taking Ballroom dance lessons, and being more proactive in trying to find dates.