I'll add this: My experience leads me to believe that individual sexual identity and expression is inherent and capable of ongoing change, but also subject to interruption. Somehow I was initially able to connect with this woman when both of us were still in our sexual larval forms, in sexually charged yet chaste ways (lots of nakedness and exploratory touching, but no intercourse had or sought for the first several years of the relationship, amazingly) that proved fundamentally nurturing, safe and may well have set the stage for the polyamory she's experiencing now.
I understand love is not a prerequisite for sex. I listen to more than enough sex-positive podcasts (from Tristin Taoramino and Susie Bright to Dan Savage) to know that lust accounts for a great deal of the sex people are having. Whether I'm wired to have that kind of fun and guiltless sex with someone other than my wife without my head exploding is an open question, though.
Would it be a good idea to allow myself to be in the position to find out? Assuming the consent of all parties had been obtained, I can hesitantly say ... sure. I think. I don't know. I can fantasize about it in the third person, no problem. It's the actual thought of me "doing it" that seems far fetched. That the possibility is remote and unlikely - although that could be the real illusion - is somehow comforting to me.
I'm a headcase, I know. I'm sure the good folks at Polyamory.com can unpack a ton of sexual baggage from all this. My life partner and I have written, torn up and rewritten the script several times over, yet here I sit still naked and alone clinging to scraps of conservative monogamist claptrap. So as to feel safe? Less unmoored?
I'm curious if this is unusual or just transitional in a recently opened relationship?
Last edited by BraverySeeker; 01-16-2013 at 04:24 PM.