Thread: My Intro
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Old 01-16-2013, 10:33 AM
JaneQSmythe JaneQSmythe is offline
Senior Member
Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: Pennsyl-tucky
Posts: 1,522

Welcome to the Forums!

You all should definitely feel "pretty freaken proud" of how well you are handling things.

Your situation is similar to my own in a number of ways. Dude is my first MALE OSO, MrS has always been free to pursue outside relationships but never has.

My own fear, early on, with Dude was that being in a relationship with me would impede his ability to find a "real girl" (i.e. a primary of his own) - the difference is that he wasn't/isn't actually "looking" for a primary (although not necessarily ruling it out) - this was my own fear. After a while, as our relationship evolved, he said that continuing a relationship with me (in some fashion) would be a necessary part of any future relationship configuration he finds himself in.

Now, lots of things could happen in the future (which is always a true statement). Dude could find a "real girl" who wants to be primary and our relationship could shift into a more secondary model. His new girl might have no interest in a primary type relationship with him (perhaps she already has a primary or doesn't want one) and choose to take a secondary role herself. New girl might be interested in a non-hierarchical model or a "working toward co-primary" type situation (as is evolving between the three of us). In addition, but not expected , the new girl might be interested in pursuing a relationship with either me or MrS as well...

The fact is that this hypothetical new girl will have her own preferences and boundaries, and OUR relationship could be in very different place than it is now (as people and relationships change over time). So, thinking NOW about what things could look like in the future is an interesting theoretical exercise (and I think it is good to be aware of the possibilities) but, until hypothetical new girl is actually on the scene, then no conclusions can be drawn.

Well, that ended up longer than I anticipated (usually does). Anyway, welcome again.

Me: poly bi female, in an "open-but-not-looking" V-plus with -
MrS: hetero polyflexible male, live-in husband (23+ yrs)
Dude: hetero poly male, live-in boyfriend (4+ yrs) and MrS's BFF
Lotus: "it's complicated"
SLeW: platonic girlfriend + BFF
+ "others" = FBs, FWBs, lover-friends, platonic G/BFs, boytoys, etc.

My poly blogs here:
The Journey of JaneQSmythe
The Notebook of JaneQSmythe
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