Well, I didnít expect to find myself here at this point in my life, but .....
Iíve been very happily married to a man, Danny (not his real name), for almost 18 years, with no children (by choice). Our sex life was absolutely fantastic when he told me he would be tittilated by the idea of me having sex with other men. When we met (and when I was younger!), I tended to have several lovers at any given time. It was true love, as I saw it, that made me want to drop it all for monogamy with my ďsoul mate.Ē
Fortunately, weíve always had great communication, which I credit with getting us through some rough spots over the years. We always came out stronger for it, too. So, he felt comfortable telling me that he fantasized about my taking other lovers. I resisted, however, feeling like those ďwild daysĒ were a now behind me now that Iím turning 50 this April, despite the fact Iím repeatedly told by people that I look and act much younger. (I credit a lack of children, rock music, and a refusal to grow up myself.)
To get to the point, weíve both had a male friend (Iíll call him Michael) who weíve known for almost as long as weíve been married, but there was NEVER a sexual spark before between this man and me, though we had enjoyed some very interesting debates on religion and politics over the years. Knowing now that Danny was more or less hinting that he wanted me to play around a bit, I turned on the flirting with Michael a bit.
Needless to say, Michael and I, with Dannyís blessing, ended up having an ďaffair.Ē I didnít fall out of love with my husband, but feelings have now developed for Michael. This is new to me. Danny is still okay with this, though he wasnít expecting me to get emotionally involved, and neither was I!
Itís fortunate that Danny and Michael are also good friends. We all agreed early on that there would be NO secrets, no lies, and everything would be completely transparent, and it has been. While this has been working so far, Danny did go through some major emotional upheavals having to do with his insecurities, which he fortunately recognizes for what they are, and Iíve been trying extremely hard to reassure him and let him know that my love for him has not changed because of this.
This has been going on now for about five or six weeks, so this is all still very new. In the beginning, I offered to Danny to end this before my feelings for Michael became deeper, but Danny did NOT want me to do that. Michael has become a dear friend to both of us, and even though itís hard for Danny to share me in this way, he seems to think this is still the way to go. In other words, he feels his ability to allow me to love someone else is important for his own spiritual growth. (Compersion?)
My position at the moment is that Iím still very much in love with Danny and have no intention of leaving him. Iím also very much in love with Michael and want to be with him, as well. Ideally, if Danny is able to work through his insecurities, Iíd love to cohabitate with both of them at some point, and both Danny and Michael have shown an interest in the idea. Still, I donít think that would work until Danny is completely comfortable with this.
I joined this forum in order to get some input on how to handle this. Both men have very healthy sexual appetites, but I havenít had any difficulties in keeping them both happy so far. I just donít like to see Danny feeling insecure, which comes up sometimes when I spend time with Michael. Iím not sure what the best way to handle this is. Any input would be greatly appreciated!