Originally Posted by lolalondon
Thanks, you're probably right. I think I see it this way because he won't treat or "work on" any of his issues and anxieties (from certain routines to social anxieties) regardless of how damaging they've been in all his past relationships. So I guess I see him as someone who won't look inside and try to face fears or take these kinds of risks (unless it's impulsive decisions he'd only make when a relationship is very new). He'd rather stay in his comfort zone and he wants others to "accept him as he is" even if this means he can't actually be a partner, in many ways, and that his needs always have to come first.
Oh, I should clarify, I was only talking about the inability to spend all of one's time with any one person. i.e. that I didn't see that as an "issue" for himself, though clearly an issue for a relationship with someone who can't relate. I'm lucky that my life partner is just as much a solitary creature as I am. As much as I enjoy having the house to myself a lot of the time, he enjoys being on the road working by himself.
But ideally, I like to see everyone work on their issues and grow and mature as people. At some point, he will have to choose between working on his issues or foregoing intimate, serious relationships. Not many (healthy) people will stick around with someone who isn't striving for self-improvement.
"Accept me as I am" is a fine criteria, as long as you acknowledge what you're sacrificing by holding on to it.