Originally Posted by LovingRadiance
So, yesterday I got a third request to add "her" to the private poly fb group I started.
I had already ignored the previous two.
This time I asked Maca for her number and sent her a text. I let her know it was my group and that I had received the requests, but was under the impression she didn't want to to have anything to do with me or my life-thus why I hadn't approved it.
She replied with a wordy response basically saying she wanted to be able to socialize with her poly friends on fb.
I replied and let her know that if she wanted to meet for coffee to discuss the conflict and contention between us, we could then discuss her joining the group. If she preferred not to meet, I thought it best that we avoid intermixing our socializing insomuch as possible in such a small town. Adding that I would respect her choice either way.
Haven't heard a word since. I suspect that there will be fallout-but I'm confident that my response was reasonable and respectful while still maintaining my personal boundaries.
!!! Can't you get into your noggin the lesson that this woman is so tirelessly (and selflessly) trying to teach you?! You SHOULDN'T HAVE any personal boundaries!
OK, I'm going to get serious now [ahem ahem]: You are instrumental in starting a pioneer group for Alaskan polys - membership open to anyone. This woman joins it and then (I don't know how much later) uses your group to spread bad feelings and false rumours about you to other members. Such bad feelings does she create that you leave the group that you helped to give birth to. Have I got that right?
Now you've started a fb poly group in which you maintain moderator status, so that you can OK or veto potential new members. She wants to join and gets 3 people to request her membership, tells you that she "want[s] to be able to socialize with her poly friends on fb". Sounds to me like stalking with intent to K.O. the "champ". Like she wants status and her way of getting it is to out-shoot the legend (or - less risky to herself - shoot the legend in the back). I had a nasty experience like that a year and a half ago (including the parallel that he got sexually involved with a woman I was romantically attached to... and bad-mouthed me to her), which I've shared elsewhere on this board
I also once had an idea for a new group on a social network site, but asked somebody else to create and moderate it. She did so, named me co-moderator, and then (when I showed displeasure with some racist comments that she'd made to me [in private, using a Skype connection]) demoted me to normal member, then kicked me out of the group, blocked me from VIEWING the group (and from viewing her personal profile). [This isn't a case of "only friends can view": she designated me personally as persona non grata
] This was on a social network dedicated to World Peace - which is one of the reasons that her racist comments shocked me.
Kindly inform this young woman who wants to take over your territory that there's plenty of space on fb for her to start her OWN goddamned fucking poly group to socialise with. Gently explain to the 3 already-members who have requested her membership the reasons why you don't want her there and tell them that you won't take it as a personal slight if they wish to join her group AS WELL.
Originally Posted by LovingRadiance
[from midnightsun's open letter to the group] The vision the original members had for this group was a beautiful, peaceful, loving one full of enlightened, open-minded and respectful individuals. What few may realize is that it's not the "ousted" people who are hurt most when  told they don't belong here. They will move on and continue down their original paths, taking with them the benefit of their experience, wisdom, compassion and enlightenment... and this community will be the poorer for it.
(my boldface added) I will suggest yet another parallel to you here. And this time it's of global significance. It is my utter conviction that if Jesus Christ were to return to Earth today, he would have as little as possible to do with the "Christian" Church as possible. [Either that or he'd march into a few churches and overturn tables
.] He'd walk away and start a NEW [much smaller] group, "taking with them the benefit of their experience, wisdom, compassion and enlightenment"... not to mention Love, self- and mutual-respect, and rejection of prejudices.
Have a hug from me, Dear One!