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Old 02-26-2009, 12:41 AM
DPic DPic is offline
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Join Date: Feb 2009
Posts: 1
Default Exclusive for sex?


Sorry for the long message...i know this might be a burden but if you can help, or at least point me in the right directoin, i'd really appreciate it.

So both me and my girlfriend are new to polyamory. We have an interesting situation though. For reasons it would take forever to explain, she doesn't let herself get attracted to anyone. I'm the first person she's had feelings for since 6th grade (she's a sophomore in high school now and i'm a senior). For some reason, she doesn't even know why, she likes the idea of polyamory, and is happy with it even though she probably wouldn't take advantage of it, BUT she wants to be exclusive for sex. As in, if i'm having sex with her, she doesn't want me having sex with anybody else, or if i'm having sex with others, she doesn't want to be having sex with me (not not at the same time, but during the same time period =P). I completely understand her feelings because before i'd considered the idea of polyamory, i used to be very jealous, etc.

It wouldn't be hard for me to give up sex with others (i've only been involved with one other person so far), but it would feel unnatural to me and i really like the concept of polyamory. Until we figured things out more, i told her that i'd be exclusive with her for sex (but it'll probably be completely exclusive for now, not just for sex). We talked a lot about it but she doesn't know how she feels. She has a lot of trouble understanding herself. She thought for a while about whether she thought it was jealousy, but she didn't think she was at all. I would be able and willing to give up polyamory for her...but it wouldn't feel natural to me, and she doesn't want that either. She wants to be polyamorous, but for some reason isn't 100% down with it.

So, do you have any suggestions? Anything to make her more comfortable with it or any ideas on how to understand her feelings?

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