Hi everyone. I am hi-jacking a bit from Redpepper's thread on Intimate moments with Lovers
because it may relate to this thread. Here is a cut and paste of Danny and my posts. I bring this up because Redpepper and I had a great talk over dinner and we often look at the differences in her poly and my monogamous nature. It is a bit of a repeat from my original post on my Mono/Poly relationship.
Posted by Danny40179
Mono, I wish I could have you talk to someone who just doesn't get the poly lifestyle because she's mono. I'd love to have her as a part of our family, but that will never be. *sigh* Kudos to you for being open minded and understanding and being able to work through the concerns.
Danny, although I wish I had the capacity to help someone understand it I don't. I honestly don't understand how someone loves more than one person intimately but I know it is real. Redpepper and her husband both know that it is my overwhelming love for her that enables me to overcome many challenges.
Sadly, I would probably never recommend a monogamous person to get involved in a polyamorous relationship. I also would not pursue another one if Redpepper and me were to split up either. In fact I would probably avoid any polyamorous person I started having feelings for. I would be honest and communicate but stay distant.
The differences between a mono and poly nature are much more than social in my case. They are fundamental. I have never felt so much love in a relationship but I have also never felt so much uncertainty, fear and pain. If I didn't love Redpepper with all my heart I would have surrendered to these feelings and ran for the hills lol!!
We are all lucky because somehow we were brought together and everything just seems to fall into place. From my love for Redpepper to the love shared between me and everyone in her family, we have been blessed. It is not easy at times but immensely rewarding.
Sorry this probably isn't what you wanted to hear..but I have learned nothing from polyamory if I haven't learned to be honest