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Old 01-14-2013, 05:33 PM
GalaGirl GalaGirl is offline
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Join Date: Jun 2012
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Well, I'm hearing nothing malicious in BEHAVIOR. Mostly feelings here and emotional management stuff and dealing with the limits of distance and LDR. Not like shaky ground limits of partner not able to be honest. Geography is neither here nor there in a person's character or trustworthiness. It's... geography.

What's the fishy roomie thing about? Does that play into the story? That bit confuses me.

Quote:
Clara moved away due to some plans that had been in motion before this all started. And no amount of begging could make her stay. She said she loved us. And we tried long distance.
At at that time, she was not willing to change Big Life Plans already in motion for a new relationship that had no history and no commitment. Don't blame her -- I'd do same with moving plans.

You tried anyway with LDR and discovered LDR does not work for you guys.

She decided to break up more firmly since it wasn't working out short distance (the move) or long distance (LDR probs.) Is that it?

And coping with the break up was rough on the couple... and the emotional management hard... so it leaves you unwilling to go there again? Breaking up is always a risk in romances.

Quote:
But now she's reaching out to us again and hinting that she might be regretting her actions. The time we spent together was wonderful and i would hate for that to be taken away forever.
So you ARE willing to entertain the thought? Not say you ARE going there again, but willing to talk it out to assess it's realistic "doability" at this new point in time?

If so... what's the offer? If same LDR model again - you already know you don't like it. Who knows how Tim feels.

What would have to be the offer on the table for you to be willing to try that again? How you want to be together if you get together again in a dating thing? And how you want to break up if it comes to that after trying it out again and finding that again it does not work? Is she moving back into town and you will live with Tim and she will live in her flat, and you date for a time to see how a short distance/local thing works out instead?

(And Tim would have to speak for himself in these talks.)

So... could talk and see. If you wanted to talk and assess the willingness of all people, the offer(s) that could be on the table, and what people's wants, needs, and limits are. The pros and cons of it at this point in time.

If you aren't willing to entertain discussion -- don't. If you are, do. If she's a potential "Right One" and the problems is not so much her "right fit"-ness.... but "The Right Time"-ness.... maybe it's worth investing time in just a talk?

There are many Right Ones out there. They don't always come at the Right Time -- maybe the time is changed now? Can't know without an honest assessment of where all the potential players are at. At THIS new point in Time.

Hope all that makes sense.

HTH!
GG

Last edited by GalaGirl; 01-14-2013 at 07:30 PM.
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