Yeah, I agree I have made too many mistakes in terms of not setting the right boundaries. The first girl was a way crazy situation. I have to admit I did develop what I thought was some sort of friendship with that girl. I hadn't really dealt with a drug addict like her. I have had friends turn in and out of being addicts and had always tried to help them when they wanted the help, though avoided them if they were still at it. When she came to us for help my stupid sense of compassion took over. Eventually though I didn't want to deal with the situation anymore after having had agreed to let her move in so I was glad to be away while he tried to work it out with her. When we got back together and got very close and dedicated to each other, I really felt he had learned his lesson, and he was open and honest with me through this part of our relationship.
It got hard for me to not set enough boundaries in my current situation because I still harbor deep feelings for both my guy and the current girl, and I felt bad about her pain. We did practically live together for several months with her there from dawn til bedtime. then usually she would go home and every so often she spent the night. But when she was unhappy about the sharing it really affected me. I don't think I can bear to see her sad blue eyes at this time and I'm afraid that is how it might always be. I know she for some reason did not feel it was her place to tell me of the affair herself, and it was tearing her apart secretly in front of my eyes. I think she felt it was his turn to come clean with the lies since he was being hypocritical to her about her lies inside of the lie they shared...silly.
They are both more actively trying to resolve their own issues, and I know she has been reading up on how a healthy relationship really works, poly or not. She may even be reading my post at this time since my guy informed her I was seeking support from this site. My guy has also told the both of us if we are truly unhappy after trying to make things work, either of us have the choice to go our separate way, but he'll always try to resolve any real issues because he really loves us both and wants everyone to be happy about sharing again. I am willing, at this point, to take a chance on her having realized her errors as well as him, and let him have a relationship with her again. We were all happy once upon a time with sharing, so I hope that this time since I have chosen to not have a relationship with her that it will be easier to feel happy in my relationship with him again without anyone sitting unhappily in that same room and ruining it for me. I know it's wishful thinking, but I hope possibly everyone will be happy again because we know what we could have lost at this point. Guess I'm one of those hopeless romantics. But I will say this for my own self worth, I do not plan on tolerating anymore dishonesty from his side of the situation and will be going my own way at that point if it is to come: hence the decision to also date other people in hopes of seeing this situation isn't my only option if it continues to fail.
Thanks again to everyone who has left me feedback. It feels really good to get this situation out in the open so I can find a sense of peace with the steps I have chosen to take and embrace my future no matter what the outcome. I want to be the strong woman I felt I was back when I started dating multiple people and not undermine myself before my current relationship.
Wish me luck,